Nearly Midnight News – June 24


“Good evening and Welcome to the Nearly-midnight news! Top story of the night!”


“Varric’s ball! The anticipation built up through the evening as it was never announced! And at said ball, a brawl! Presumably, there was Honor at stake! Though really, that is pure conjecture… Also! Intrigue and People! We go live to Lowgan, who interprets the event in dance! *waits for lowgan to dance* Yes – many were upset at the loss of Honor…”


Lowgan says , “-the room darkens and stage lights show only Lowgan who is wearing a dancer’s catsuit.. He gallops around with twirls like a drunken ballerina then slugs Folodu right in the nose… Taking a bow the lights go off-“


“*holds a napkin to face* Ow…and that is the news at the ball…”


“Elsewhere, Anashti Sul makes a powerplay and opens chaos upon Norrath – several Voidbeasts have been seen raiding the streets of all major cities. In response, the coalition of Tradesfolk in Freeport rallied together to make scarves for the injured.”


Xsii says , “Lies! There are no void beasts in Halas.”

“No one goes to Halas anyways *makes stuff up*”

Xsii says , “Lies. Its full of people here. One can barely breathe!”

Lowgan says , “Full of Smurfs. No one loves them”

Lowgan says , “Smurfs.. Tiny blue stubby people”

“What’s a smurf? Can you eat it?”

Arquenniel says , “I hear they give you horrible indigestion”


“*tosses the napkin away, her nose still bleeding* In response to the scarves, and not wanting to be outdone, the Seafuries launched a full scale carolling. No one would understand the drunks, and quickly locked their doors.”


“In other news, the Queen, Antonia Bayle, has been seen hosting parties of enormous proportion, inviting thousands into her realm to “play”, as it was put. Many suspect either a cult activity or other unseemly things. An investigation is being launched to determine whether there is “something afoot” or if everything is “jolly roger” – the investigation team might face some challenges.”


“The goblin Fazfanakt died today during strife involving a stolen item of some value. The claim has been disputed, though no one wants to claim responsibility. Sources close to the subject all tried to eat our replacement pen, which was stolen during yesterday’s auction. The pen, a cheap knockoff, was stolen by the Hooligan’s guild. No ransom has yet come forth. The goblin is survived by a rather large family – a funeral is not yet planned.”


“*static* *static* over the Steppes today as a tornado ripped through a stack of hay. The local farm boys will be collecting it for many minutes. On other parts of Norrath, astronomers are beginning to suspect the weather might all be controlled by a central source, known as Es Oh Eee. We are not entirely sure where this entity might be, but we suspect their weather is nice and balmy”


“In sports today, the rugby association decide the new uniforms would be issued tutus. The rugby teams smiled and blushed and said “thank you very much”. They then proceeded to pound each other into the ground. It was a good day.”


“The ship that was adrift from a stolen anchor the other day has been recovered – news teams are staying away from the investigation. “That is the Nearly-midnight news. I am Folodu, and this is all nonsense.”

Author: Jethal