Not Midnight News – July 29


Folodu walks into the channel and sets a giant sprocket on the large acorn desk. “Rumors of my demise have been greatly understated.”

Gindotto says, “Those go over there! *points to the already amassed pile of sprockets*”

“Oh! Oh, sorry. I’ll just…move it in a moment.”

Amriel says, “Only mostly demised huh?”

“No no, completely demised. Absolute demise. Purest, evilest demise…”
“But I got better.”

Amriel says, “Huzzzah”

Folodu walks around the desk and sits down. “Well – I think it’s time to get this spanner on the clockwork. Welcome to the Not Midnight News.”


“As many of you have heard, there is a new festival today – something about…gears…and…Things. I dunno…attaching one thing to another? Maybe? Anyways, they have liqour. Good stuff. made for degreasing a cog. A little pricey once you get to your fifth bottle of the hour.”


“It seems the gnomes have figured out flight! Now, no longer just for the sane, they, too, join the skies of Norrath. Many explosions are predicted, and NMN staff is arranging awards for the most spectacular! Anyone interested in participating must show up near the pit in Solusek Ro and test out their contraptions. For Science, of course. Awards will range from most lethal, to brightest boom. Those who’s inventions work will be disqualified.”


“In Qeynos, the celebration is well underway, and even the local goblin tribes have shown up for the fun. The are leaving half-eaten apples in trade for the shiny cogs, as they seem to find this fair payment. While not malicious, the goblins are not exactly entirely conscious of their disservice to others. Queen Bayle extends her protection to them, saying “Harm them not, they know not what they do.” Lucan, on the other hand, says ferret them out and kill them all. The hoard they must have will strengthen the city. Any caught keeping said hoard will find themselves visiting a certain pit in West.”


“In other news, the New Halas Swim Team has been made into New Halas Water Polo With Leotards. While there is no official statements, we figure this is a good ploy to try to drown someone.”


“In hindsight, we figure that this has been the plan the entire time. In Steamfont today, clockworks have been going slightly haywire due to a malfunction in their gearbox. It seems once a year, they cease functioning properly and think they are real people. Please smash any clockwork attempting to pick flowers.”


“In further news in the same location, the Gnomeland Security Headquarters has increased their amount of probes after someone tried to not sneak any explosives onto Headquarters grounds. They would like everyone to remember that to not have a thing that goes boom is Anti-gnomish. Violators will be taken to the ‘zoo’ in Klak’Anon.”


“The increase of fireworks mishaps is much decreased in the steamfont area, due to the advent of a thing known as “safety measures”. While we are not certain what these are, we are fairly sure they are Anti-Lucanic. Of which, anyone seen taking bits of cogs from the grounds of Freeport will be kille on site as traitors to the Overlord. All hail Lucan and his justice!”


“The Festival of Discord approaches, and the guards who won most of the events during the Festival of Unity are training hard to have a chance during this one as well. While not direct competitors, they seemingly were the crowd favorite. Go guards!”


“In sports, the Ro-Stare-ers took on the Nerian Egotisticals in a game of volleyball on the sames. The Maj’dulians made fun of the poor elves, whom all seem to be lilly-footed. It is customary to play without any footwear. The game was cancelled however due to sunstroke and dehydration among half the Maj’Dul team. Foul play is not suspected at this time.”


“In weather, the same Maj’Dul team exported a good deal of their sun for the day to Feerott, which is now mostly drained. The thulian tribes there are interestingly in a good deal of fear.”


“I am Folodu Amrunrosse, and this is the Not Midnight News.”

Author: Jethal