Nearly Midnight News – August 4


As a heads up, poFlo is exhausted by the time I normally would be doing this, and caught up in RP at earlier times. Work schedule has shifted a lot, and I am staying up way too late. This is not cancelled, but I have yet to find a good time that does not involve sacrificing Real Life.


“Is there any interest in a bit of news?”

Thraxarious says, “Is it nearly Midnight?”

Kalmaraa says, “almsot 1am for me…heh.”

Alexandria says, “I think it is!”

“It is nearly midnight!”

Chentelle says, “<starts munching on popcorn> News!”

Rynare says, “almost 11 here”

Kaimos says, “neeeews”

You tell rplfg (1), “Close enough.”

Kaimos says, “i hope it’s new”

“Well *looks over a few blank pages* We could say that.”

Alexandria says, “DOH”

Kaimos says, “yay!”

Alexandria says, “i hope to someday be in the news, but I can’t think of a good crime to commit in Qeynos yet”

Kaimos says, “a crime of good taste?”

“So! Welcome to the Nearly Midnight News! Now with Newts and Gremlins (please don’t feed them).”

Kalmaraa says, “I can think of one for you in Qeynos.. all you need to do is sneak in to the queen’s bathing chambers with a gnomish camera.”

Alexandria says, “*feeds the newts and gremlins*”

Chentelle says, “<holds out the bag of popcorn for anyone who wants some>”

Varric says, “*Pounces bag and eats it whole*”

Agonee says, “i though you dont feed the trolls”

Alexandria says, “Kalmaraa, I did that, and for some reason she didn’t mind all that much and just stood there watching me.”

Kaimos says, “bekoning you?”

Demorga says, “*lets out a loud draconic roar* News es guud..sssilences please”

Chentelle says, “<snatches her hand back, glaring at Varric, then returns her attention to the news>”


“Today’s top story! A bounty has been placed, and I am ticked! Some fool thought the head of one Folodu Amrunrosse was only with 15 measly plat! Needless to say, we are insulted at the NMN, and demand higher prices on our head! …well…. you know what I mean. Nobody better collect on them or else… Anyone caught placing merely bounties on NMN staff will be Dealt With with a nice Smear Campaign and bad press! Well – not that the press can get much worse…”


“In other news, the Gorowyn Militia hits the 45th ranking of recognition. That is one busy sarnak! Show him some lovins *gets a picture of cute cats and drops it in the mail*”


“In an unrelated and completely off topic story, the dragons Siyamak and Barakah have been slain in the sands – again! These poor beasties just have no luck at all. For those unfamiliar, the dragons are estranged lovers who wish only for death and reconciliation. NMN staff was on hand to question them as they perished – best not to get into too many details. Suffice to say, they had no hoard to pick through. We were very disappointed.”


“In Kelethin today, one small little fae decided to start a way with the competing Tinkerfest right next door. Goo has been mysteriously appearing in gearworks and cogs have been degreased all over the area. While it is more than likely that this is a large operation, one little fae known only as Skih has taken full responsibility, claiming “Those stupid gnomes have taken all the fun away from my city! Humph! I’ll show them! I’ll show them all!” She then gummed up my spiffy new clockwork sword. It has not functioned right since. Anyone who sees a fae, please detain them for questioning in regards to this matter. And if they resist, remind them of the Not Believing in Fairies Clause. Make sure not to do this near a large event where clapping may happen, as the results are not likely to happen.”


“Thurgadin has finally been allowed to import new alcohol after a long standing embargo due to reasons unrelated to drinking. The coldain, usually blue, are turning interesting shades of purple tonight – pointing this out will earn you kicked shins.”


“Qho’s grounding has been rescinded today, as he has run out of supplies, and would anyone please who has just a moment of time go to… Wait a second…this isn’t my writing! Qho! *shakes fist*”


“Qeynos is in an uproar tonight as Alexandria, a known miscreant and troublemaker, has finally gone too far. It has been noted that she went on a bender, and most of the city can describe her quite well. While not present for this, we got it on good authority. Actually, we totally made it up – but who are you going to believe! Me, or me?”


“In travel tonight, the spires went down and several people went down mid-transit. While this is not really provable, there are several people who thought that they had seen someone, and then…just couldn’t remember who. In one comment, an Erudite said, “I – feel I am missing someone. It’s vague, like they were there, and then not. This is not logical.” The very emotional outburst is said to have left them looking vaguely irritated and impersonal. If anyone knows what an Erudite who looks any other way. please let us at NMN know.”


“A new venue opened recently – the Luxe…thingy. It had a singer, and seemed to ahve a Very Stylized entrance. Like a cave. Or something. The singer, and unknown from Thundermist Village, is said to be none other than the oce-missing Maestro of Pain – though we highly doubt that. It also might have been a vampire. Details are hazy, as most people got rather tipsy. Pst! It was a Koehki!”


“If anyone has seen a tutu, the Halas Sports Association would like it back. And no, please not the ogre one that was released on Bristlebane Day. That is far too small for the wider hips of the Halasians.”


“Of which – in sports tonight, The Halasian team of Water Polo went against the Everfrost Sharks. More than one toe is missing, and sharksteaks are on the grill for any interested. The Halasian team won, though the ball is needing replaced. Due to so many uniform changes, there is no budget left for it. For those wishing to donate, please stop by NMN offices and we will be sure not to spend it on pens.”


“Disaster struck the Loping Plains tonight. While we are not certain who this person is, all surrounding areas are advised to look out for a tall, dark man with a deep voice who walks up behind you unaware. We will call him Bill.”

“I am Folodu Anrunrosse, and this is the Nearly Midnight News.”

Author: Jethal