So, this weekend, I went and saw “Annabelle” – the story of a demon-possessed doll.. here’s my take! (Spoilers!)

A couple begin to experience terrifying supernatural occurrences involving a vintage doll shortly after their home is invaded by satanic cultists. ~IMDB

A prequel to The Conjuring (2013), Annabelle tells a little back story of the demonic doll, where it came from and what curse lays behind it’s cold, dead, eyes.. I have some issues.

First, I’ll get this out of the way… YES, there is a real doll, named “Annabelle”, which currently resides at the Occult museum hosted by Lorraine Warren. The actual Annabelle is a “Raggedy Ann”, but had to be changed in the movies, to avoid being sued by the Hasboro toy company, and changed into a life-sized china doll with messed up make-up.

One of the main issues I have is the appearance of the doll, herself. It’s not scary. It’s weird facial construction and smeared makeup is meant to be frightening, but is so overly done, it comes off as just messy and ugly. At the beginning of the film, she’s in pristine condition, but her face is still so odd looking, that I would never buy it. It would never sell. It’s an ugly, off-putting face that lacks “evil” and screams “bad design”.

As the story begins, we see that they’re trying to tie in the Mason Family Cult with the plot device. Cults are apparently everywhere in the 60’s and dammit, our main characters are sure as hell gonna get attacked by a similar group! This puts our story in 1969. Our protagonists use the 911 system, which wasn’t fully enacted in California until 1977. Most people just dialed “O” for the operator.. so that’s inaccurate.

Jump scares. Those of you who have followed me for a while, know my feelings on “jump scares” – aka, the fast, sudden jump, often accompanied by loud noises, intended to give you a jolt. This is cheap and I don’t approve. Now, the home invasion (cult members) scene was pretty intense, and gave me hopes.. but it quickly faded out into something I would honestly feel comfortable letting an 8 year old watch.. in the dark.. alone..

The unending hem… A few times in the movie, we see Mia sewing at her Singer machine. My issue is.. it’s lasting far too long. Holy crap, is she sewing the train for a Royal wedding dress? She’s gotta be going at high speed for over 30 yards of fabric in one scene.

Boring.. This movie had to have been written for the inexperienced horror movie goer.. it’s seriously boring, and not scary by my standards. I never flinched at the jump scares, and after the home-invasion scene.. there was nothing for me. The only way I’d ad this to my collection, is in the bargain bin for like $5. Which I’m sure it’s headed for.

Author: Jethal