The Funhouse Massacre


Six of the world’s scariest psychopaths escape from a local Asylum and proceed to unleash terror on the unsuspecting crowd of a Halloween Funhouse whose themed mazes are inspired by their various reigns of terror.

This movie could have been a lot better, but at the same time, didn’t suck.

Unfortunately, the producers used the old trick of putting a big name in just to draw an audience. Robert Englund is the head liner, but only appears before the title sequence, and is killed off 11 minutes in. What follows is a pretty standard horror, that I would classify as being very “SyFy”esk. Not bad for the beginner, but kinda cheesy for the horror connoisseur.

The story is simple. Five killers are freed from an asylum by a murderous accomplice, where they begin terrorizing a Halloween “Funhouse”, which just so happens to be featuring attractions based on the crimes they, them selves, committed. Of course, they kill off their actor counterparts and start killing the guests. No one pays any mind because they figure it’s part of the entertainment.

  • The Taxidermist (Clint Howard) is a man who loves bringing the dead back to life.. stuffed with sawdust. Not too bad if it’s a cute, fluffy, squirrel or a bird.. but when it’s uncle bob, we have a problem.
  • Dollface (Candice De Visser) is an obvious rip off of Harley Quinn. In fact her name is “Ms Quinn”. A beautiful yet deranged clown girl, devoted to following “daddy”
  • Mental Manny aka “daddy” (Jere Burns) is a profit with a savior complex, who set his followers on fire in a mass suicide.
  • Rocco the Clown (Mars Crain) is an ex pro-wrestler who got quietly locked up after “Killing too many opponents in the ring” – it makes me wonder just how many is too many..
  • Animal the Cannibal (E.E. Bell) may actually be a parody of.. a parody! Resembling Dom Deluise’s character “Animal Cannibal Pizza” from “Silence of the Hams“, he is a Chef who specializes in “Serving Man”
  • Dr Suave (Sebastian Siegel) is a handsome, and charismatic dentist who believes that “not every tooth can be saved”

Although the story has many many holes in it, I felt that I was (mildly) entertained.

I verdict: It didn’t suck.


Author: Jethal