Nearly Midnight News – June 30


“*pokes about*”

Arquenniel says “YAY! NMN!!!”

“Oh! thank you! Yay! *sits back and watches Arq* NMN! NMN!”

“*looks about* Oh! That’s me!”

Arquenniel says “You are very silly.. get to work wench!”

“Got to earn my meager paycheck…”


“Welcome to another addition of Nearly Midnight News! I am your host, until such time as my rating plummet and I get the sack.Which is a lot more than I usually get, what with the pay being three beans and a broken fork…But we will not dwell on what our esteemed overlords of broadcasting must know is successful!”


“In tonight’s news, we go to Kelethin, where a Tree has sprouted! We are not entirely sure how this made the news, but there you have instead, we went to the local tavern and opened up a tab, which now runs at -least- two silver. We learned so much there, such as how to speak Faelie. Well, we tried anyways. Cupping one’s tongue like an oak leaf is not easy. We might go for the rosetta stone, which is said to teach all languages. It is simple, and all you must do is stare at a rock until it clicks.”

“But the Tree! Much was learned, such as it was planted by farmer bill back in aught eight during the drought of the river Pix. Well – actually, no. We got very suspicious of Farmer Bill after he kept saying that he was an orc… So regretfully, we learned next to nothing about this event, and now so have you!”


“Around Norrath, there were food shortages, especially in goblinoid camps. When questioned why, goblin Fardun replied “we dun plant the seeds so wells – we mostlies eateds them. ” Expect goblin populations to diminish through the seasons for once.”


“In tavern hopping, there was a rare occurrence of not one, but TWO bars open tonight! We were going to visit and ask what was up with that, but we couldn’t decide who had better beer, so we stayed at home for a quiet night of checkers. Anyone who might have any information on this is pleased advised to bring enough for the entire NMN staff to get thoroughly sloshed.”


“There has been tell that bars such as the Mummy and the Crown run illicit and dangerous crime scenes when no one is looking, but this is yet to be proven. So far, we must assume it is true and inquisite until we find out otherwise – tread carefully! We understand that there is little tolerance for backtalk and uppityness.”


“In shipping today, pirates seized most of Norrath’s ports. the groups, known only as Arr Pee Pirates, left no stone unturned, no building untouched, and no being alone in their quest for “plot”. Caution is advised through the remainder of the day and well into tomorrow. Anyone caught feeding these pirates will be assumed to be aiding and abetting criminals, and will be punished post-haste.”


“In weather today, it rained cats and dogs in the commonlands outside of Freeport for at least two hours. Cleanup crews are not having to put much effort in due to high predator numbers. The local animal shelter advises to always spay and neuter, though we are not entirely certain they were speaking of this incident.”


“In sports, the Antonican Tennis Team has been disbanded due to issues involving a high mortality rate. Asked to comment, the team could not be found. Officials were quick to say that everything was fine, and to go about our business. The Halas Synchronized swimming team today suffered tragedy as half their team caught hypothermia. Investigators close to the source said “we told them it was a bad idea! The tutus just don’t cut it!” The team is expected to be on hiatus for the remainder of the season, which seems to be very, very long in that area.”


“The Erolissi Fan club had its donation drive in Gorowyn today. They collected three hugs and a kiss, though each was very worried that the Sarnak might eat them. They were informed to “oh, just grow up already!” The club did not respond well.”


“In other news, the Festival of Unity approaches! This engaging event looks to be good fun to bring us all closer together! Especially the competitive sports, which are not known to drive any wedges at all anywhere. It is expected that anyone attending will proudly display their city badges and talk very loudly at each other.”


“I am your host, Folodu Amrunrosse, and thank you for reading the Nearly Midnight News.”

Author: Jethal