Nearly Midnight News – July 19


Karmac says, “*goes to pull Folodu out of her bed* Wake up stupid you’re on in 20 seconds”

Karmac says, “You’re on in ten seconds! *pats Folodu with a makeup puffball*”

“Ack! Gah! that’ tastes aweful! Is this tested on animals? It should be. *bats Karmac away and sprints for the desk, rolling a 28 and tripping on Qho, faceplanting into the large acorn centerpeice*”

Mystiaa says, “Eeeeeeeeew looks like that hurt”

“*slowly gets up and dusts self off, inspecting her nose* Yea…just a little. Who put that little brat in here anyways… *sits down at the desk* Good evening and welcome to another Edition of the Nearly Midnight News.”

“Following this will be the Nearly Midnight Raid, where-in Barakah and Siyamak get a piece of pie handed to them. Please inquire after Ekame for details.”

“In our main news tonight, we go to day five of the Festival of Unity. We hear there was a bardic competition, and that there was even a winner! Who may or may not have also had a wardrobe malfunction. Our winner was one Tibbey – we did not get a description of Tibbey, but we assume they are now on the run after stealing the prize mid-award-giving and ran off, shouting something about “you’ll never take me alive!” While we are not entirely certain, we are pretty sure they want someone to give pursuit. Please indulge next time you seem them, if you know them.”

“In other news from the Festival, Leshayah is said to have spoken with the dead and given advice. While uncertain, we are pretty sure most necromancers do this fairly regularly. We do not recommend offering brains during these events.”

“Additionally, there was some sort of event with alcohol. We have been denied entry into these after the rather disastrous event the day before the festival began. Rumors of there being partial nudity are completely possibly false.”

“In other news, Freeport raised its arms briefly against a dragon. After several minutes of it circling about, it inquired about the city registrar, and how to become a citizen. Many were shocked, and a few cooks were quite put out. Menus have been altered, so any mention of Special Soup must be false. Asked to comment, one shop-keep said, “Well, I’m surprised – usually the Knights come around asking about donations to the Orphans and Widows fund after this…oh! There they are. Here! Take it! Life savings, all of it, just – leave me be!” After a few inquiries, our pen was found to be not worth enough to donate.”

“Of which! New pen! It has a neck string and everything! Thank you to that one lady with the face and name and presumably kind tender heart! In a related bit of news, the rumors of NMN staff putting graffiti on random things is totally false.”

“In other news tonight, the Kylong Plains Cleanup Committee met resistance when the drolvargs decided their castle was quite nice, thank you very much. Anyone wishing to help solve this dispute is to be aware of a small hostage situation.”

“There is no sports news tonight, as all teams took a day off to honor the Fallen, a strange statue in the Commonlands who may have been a reference to some event. The particulars are not very clear, and thus, there was nothing worth reporting.”

“The weather however, was quite fun, as a brief windstorm blew across the statu, pushing everyone near it into the sea. No one is injured, though many are very startled.”

“This has been the Nearly Midnight News, and now to hunt me a dragon. *picks up a butterknife* Oh! and I’m Folodu, Terrible Dragon Hunter!”

Author: Jethal