Nearly Midnight News – July 25


“Good evening, Norrath”
Koehki tacklehugs Folodu!
*falls on back* My spine! Ack! *twitches* Cleric!”
Koehki says, “Oh yay! A spine to keep.. *fondles Folodu’s spine. Can I have it can I have it?”
“Nuuuu! *would reach for the spine, but lack of one makes that impossible* “I – I’ll trade news for spine… Will work for backbone?”
Koehki says, “I have an Ogre spine in my trunk somewhere.. *fishes around in her spine trunk*”
“…I’ll go without.”
Koehki says, “Nooo I needs my NMN!”

“I need my spine. Trade?”
Koehki says, “*sighs* fine.”
*takes the spine back and stands, working her way to a large Acorn desk covered in near-black dust* Good evening and… and… *sneezes* Welcome do da Mearly Midnigh’ Newd…”
Karmac says, “what about nude? :D”
*sniffles* “The – ah – News…”
Koehki says, “Wait.. who’s nude? Oh.. I get it.. talking about my losing the skirt on the diving board.. har har”
“Tonight’s headline comes from Butcherblock…wait what, skirt? You lost one? Let’s see!”
Koehki says, “Oh yes, it was quite interesting. I attempted to dive in my gown and my skirt got hooked on a piece of jutting wood on the edge of the board.. lost it.” *shows a little leg*”
“Fascinating! I’m sure everyone got a look of the derelict fabric. Well now! That is rather risque! Onwards to reputable news!”

“In tonight’s news, we go to butcherblock, where the painter’s guild has decided to go on strike, ensuring no new paintings or works are complete until their demands are met. Their complaint: the Irontoe Exchange has put too much soot in the air, and it’s getting in their supplies and ruining the colors. Asked to comment, on of the Irontoe said, “Underground, everything’s dark! Makes it better art! Not that we buy that sort of things…” The artists were not pleased, and stated they would do awful caricatures until the problem was resolved. The Irontoe are thrilled, as this means a lot of pictures of their favorites thing, Rocks.”


“In other news, the NMN desk is also covered in soot. Any particularly well-bearded dwarf is offered many copper to clean it with said facial hair.”


“In Qeynos tonight, Nettleville is finally rebuilt! And also unable to be accessed due to problem in the surrounding countryside. Anyone wishing to petition the Queen is expecting long lines with other grievances. The Crown issued the following statement, “If we leave them out there long enough, they will fight among themselves, and then we can throw them in jail for disorderly conduct. Win, win.” While surprising, this is not wholly unexpected.”


“A new curfew is issued in Gorowyn tonight for no reason than to see if people will follow it. The results should be interesting.”


“In sports tonight, the Nerian and Maj’dul teams beat the snot out of the Halas teams for cheating all last month. Asked why they waited so long, they cited bureaucracy. Anyone wishing to take issue with the Halasians should expect about a month’s wait for things to go from bad to worse, and to give them a chance to regrow a tooth or eyebrow.”


“In weather tonight, ice creeps up the halls of Thurgadin. Experts suspect a rogue glacier coming to invade the town. There is not any trouble expected this millenium.”


“Anyone seeking information about the upcoming Festival of Discord can expect to find Trouble. Anyone caught asking about the Festival will be suspected of trying to sabotage it – though I am sure this will only fit the theme quite well.”


“I am Folodu Amrunrosse, and this has been the Nearly Midnight News.”

Karmac says, “You should do a broadcast in the newd. Newds “

Author: Jethal