Star Wars: The Phantom Menace

Two Jedi Knights escape a hostile blockade to find allies and come across a young boy who may bring balance to the Force, but the long dormant Sith resurface to reclaim their old glory.

Years after the release of Return of the Jedi, George Lucas brings us the story that we all wanted to see.. how Anakin Skywalker became Darth Vader. What we actually got was a movie about a whinny little kid, and Jar Jar (fucking) Binks.

Clearly, George Lucas surrounded himself with “Yes men” who would not tell him that this was a bad idea. Because nothing sounded better to him, than poop jokes. That’s right.. there are at least two scenes in this movie with toilet humor. 1) Jarjar steps in crap. 2) A camel/thing farts in front of Jarjar.

They also take the mysticism out of The Force, and define it as “Midichorian” bacteria in our cells. Isn’t that nice..

When not making jokes that only a hard core stoner would find hilarious, and hearing a kid yell “Yippie!”, we have lots of politicians doing political things. Talking, making speaches, ratifying amendments.. oh god, please stop.

Author: Jethal